A Smile

A Smile Costs Nothing,


But Gives Much-

It Takes But A Moment,

But The Memory

Of It Usually Lasts Forever.

None Are So Rich That Can Get Along Without

It-And None Are So Poor

But That Can Be Made Rich By It.

It Enriches Those Who Receive,

Without Making Poor Those Who Give-

It Creates Sunshine In The Home,

Fosters Good Will In Business,

And Is The Best Antidote For Trouble-

And Yet It Cannot Be Begged, Borrowed,

Or Stolen, For It Is Of No Value

Unless It Is Given Away.

Some People Are Too Busy

To Give You A Smile-

Give Them One Of Yours-

For The Good Lord Knows That No One Needs A Smile So Badly

As He Or She Who Has

No More Smiles Left To Give.
 
yeremiah@aol.com
Yeremiah Hardt

How to Express Yourself to Others - By Greg S. Baker

One of the hardest things to do when you're communicating with someone is expressing yourself. How many times have you said something that just didn't come out the way you wanted it to? How many times have we said something that we really didn't mean, but we were too frustrated to stop it from being said?

What's more, some people have a fear of expressing themselves at all. They're afraid to say something that might cost them a friendship. Or they bottle everything up tight and seize up at the mere thought of sharing their true emotions.

This can be a constant struggle for people. However, it is something that can be conquered. If you are struggling to express yourself to others, or you know of someone who struggles, then read on. This article will show you what you can do to open up with others.

THE IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNICATION

Every being on the planet communicates in some fashion. And the more complex the form of communication is, you will find more complex relationships as well.

Human speech is the most complicated form of communication in the world. We have so many ways to express ideas, feelings, dreams, suggestions, thoughts, intents, love, rage, desire, and so forth.

Words have meaning to us. Subtle differences in each word will convey a slightly different idea. Huge and gigantic have subtle differences. We think of gigantic as bigger than huge. Thus, the words you use in your relationships are of powerful importance. The person who said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," never had a complex and in-depth relationship. Words can hurt.

Words have the power to give life and death...especially in relationships.

So it is important that you learn to express yourself. You must learn to convey your thoughts, ideas, dreams, ambitions, hopes and emotions to those that you share a relationship with. Your inability to do so, will damage your relationships.

DANGERS OF NOT BEING ABLE TO EXPRESS YOURSELF
1. If you have a fear of people, people will avoid you. It's a vicious cycle. You avoid people because you fear that they will hurt you. People see your aloofness, and either think the worst (that you're stuck up), or grant your desire and leave you alone. Then you wonder why it is that no one likes you.

2. When you can't open up to people, people will feel that you are unapproachable. You'll have a hard time getting close to people when you bottle everything up inside. Your relationships will all be shallow.

3. Your inability to express yourself will haunt you in times of trouble. You'll need help, you'll want help, but you won't seek it. You'll hide. So, no one helps you. Then you grow resentful and angry.

4. Another danger is that of isolation. You build walls around your emotions and people instinctively leave you alone. That might be what you wanted at first, but your life will be barren, and empty. Life is relationships. The stronger your relationships the more joy you'll have in life. No matter if it is with your mate, God, children, neighbors, co-workers, friends, relatives, or even yourself, you must learn to express yourself.

TIPS ON EXPRESSING YOURSELF

Do A Lot Of Reading

Reading will help you learn how other people express themselves. Pay attention to word usage, diction, flow, voice and tone. These will give you ideas on expressing yourself.

Look up words that you've never seen before. Use them. They'll provide you with many and myriad ways of expressing your emotions. Often, I've found that a single word does better expressing what I feel than an entire paragraph of sentences. Learning new words will help you express yourself better and reading will help you to learn different ways to do so.

A wise man once said, not every reader is a leader, but every leader is a reader.

Do Some Writing On Your Own

Do a variety of writing. Start a novel. Write letters. Keep a journal or diary. Often, you'll find that writing helps you to think your thoughts through. In the heat of an argument, you'll often say what you don't mean in a tone that creates more resentment. Writing will help you organize your thoughts. It'll give you focus and direction.

Don't Fear People's Judgment

Social anxiety is not a disease. You can't catch it from someone who has it. It is a spiritual state of mind that is the direct result of fear. There is really only one type of fear and that is the fear of the unknown. Don't fear what other people think about you. Honestly, your imagination will create far worse scenarios than what most people will ever think.

To overcome your fear, try asking for their help. Try this, "I'm having a hard time expressing myself, and I thought maybe you could help me." Saying that will invoke an instinctual need that most everyone has-the desire to help and feel needed. Hardly anyone will be critical of you when you've asked for their help.

It also sets the stage to retract what you may say when you say it wrong. Since you've already warned them that you are struggling with expressing yourself, when you actually struggle with it, they'll just shrug it off. It's a great tool to overcoming your fear of other people's judgment.

When You're Upset, Write A Letter

If you're furious at someone, then go ahead and write them a nasty letter. Just don't give it to them. Sleep on it. The next morning, go back over the letter. You'll find that your attitudes and perspective have shifted. I seriously doubt you'll send the letter under those conditions.

But more than that, sending someone a letter that is well thought out is a great idea when you're trying to express yourself. Look, letters can't be argued with, they can't be interrupted, and you can't derail the train of thought. In fact, even if the letter is negative, most people will read it all the way through.

Sometimes a well worded letter will allow you to convey your feelings where a conversation would not.

Be Mature When You Express Yourself

I don't take people seriously when they rant, rave, swear, cuss, insult, deride, mock, or get stubborn. These are immature attitudes that prevent and hinder the expression process.

Here is a rule of thumb. If they are willing to talk about others behind their back, they will do it to you too. Let's stay away from the unproductive gossip, the insults, the profanity, and the finger pointing. These accomplish nothing. Think about it, when is the last time you actually made a situation better by swearing at someone? Maturity in conversation is thoughtfulness, consideration, and the willingness to listen. Show respect to others and they will respect you.

Ask Questions

You'll be amazed at how easy it is to express yourself in the form of a question.

But the short of it is this, questions allow you to interact with others. They involve you in their thoughts, feelings, worries, and cares. This provides an opportunity to express yourself better to them. Expression is best done when there is good interaction. Thoughtful questions provide this platform.

Remember, people communicate all the time, but either it is misunderstood or it is not listened to. These techniques and methods will help assist in the struggles that you have in communicating.

yeremiah@aol.com

Yeremiah Hardt

Seeking Happiness

By Dr. Srikumar Rao


We seek it here, we seek it there. We seek happiness everywhere.



Yet it eludes us. All of our activities -- our pursuit of fame and fortune, our quest for meaningful relationships, and our drive to build or change things -- are directed searches for this ephemeral state. We get there, but we can never heave a lasting sigh of relief because the feeling is gone almost immediately.



Can happiness be a permanent member of our household rather than an occasional and erratic visitor?



Think on this parable from psychotherapist and Jesuit priest Anthony de Mello:



"A group of tourists sits in a bus that is passing through gorgeously beautiful country; lakes and mountains and green fields and rivers. But the shades of the bus are pulled down. They do not have the slightest idea of what lies beyond the windows of the bus. And all the time of their journey is spent in squabbling over who will have the seat of honor in the bus, who will be applauded, who will be well considered. And so they remain till the journey's end."



Too many of us are like those tourists, engaged in petty power struggles while the true beauty of life lies all round us, unobserved and unappreciated.



I see this all the time in the seminars I conduct. I have the participants call out things that would make them happy, and I write them on a flip chart. The list grows to 50 or 100 items in minutes.



Wealth is a common desire. Not run-of-the-mill, garden-variety wealth but a fabulous fortune. A trophy spouse is also popular, though people rarely label it as such. Instead the ideal spouse is described as extraordinarily good-looking and, as a self-justifying afterthought, intelligent to boot.



Lots of other items come up, too, including travel, good health, great sex, friends, loving relatives, and interesting work.



The truth is, none of those things is necessary for happiness. None of them.



This is an extremely important point. Because all of those things are dependent on outside circumstances that will never be in your control. And doesn't that make the quest for them an extremely frail reed to lean on?



Don't confuse true happiness and soul-satisfying joy with the temporary satisfaction you get when you gratify your ego. Your happiness is not dependent on your wealth, your intelligence, or your abilities. Your happiness is not even contingent on your continued good health or having loving friends, relatives, or significant others.



In fact, happiness is already a part of your nature. There is nothing you have to get in order to be happy. All you have to do is allow your inner happiness to surface.



When I get to this point in my seminars, I generally have a revolution on my hands. How can people be happy if they live in extreme poverty? Or if they are afflicted with a painful disease? Or if they have no friends or loved ones? Or if they're in any other hypothetical situation along those lines?



Yet the statement holds. There is nothing you have to get in order to be happy.



One question remains. If happiness is our nature, why do we not experience it more often? Why are our lives filled with angst and sorrow?



The answer is simple: We have constructed mental models for ourselves in which happiness comes as a result of getting something -- money, power, fame, etc. In the reality that we have created and that we live in, our achievements define us. We are "better" if we are "successful."



The media reinforces those beliefs, subtly painting pictures of what successful and happy people have and look like. Your parents reinforced them too, imprinting on your mind that what they found valuable was what you should value. In all probability, they got their beliefs from their parents and accepted them without question. Your friends, relatives, teachers, classmates, and coaches all played a role. So did the movies and TV programs you watched, the books and magazines you read, the music you listened to, and what you observed in the world around you.



They all contributed to your mental model. And they succeeded because you did not question the beliefs and values they presented to you. But now, in your quest for happiness and freedom, you must question them.



When you want something -- and you get it -- there is a brief moment when you are content, when you are not your habitual wanting self. And in that moment, you experience the happiness that is always a part of you. You are content. And full. But the very next moment, some other desire raises its ugly head and you are off on another fruitless quest for happiness. It is a never-ending cycle.



The problem is that you do not realize why you experience that moment of happiness. You do not recognize that it is because, at that moment, you are free from want. The happiness springs from an acceptance of the Universe as it is. It is your innate nature bubbling forth in the absence of the bonds you put on it with your incessant demands.



Instead, you attribute the happiness you briefly felt to the acquisition of whatever it was that you got. And so you try to get the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing.



If you go barreling through life, desperately doing things to make yourself "happy," happiness will elude you. It is like a puppy that runs away when you try to entice it to come to you. But as soon as you ignore it and start reading your newspaper, you feel its cold nose in your hand.



It really does work that way. You are bound by the things you own as long as you need them emotionally. The moment you sever this psychological link, you will experience freedom, a marvelous sense of liberation that cannot be described.



Think back to your life 10 years ago. You had a list of wants at that time, things you thought would bring you lasting happiness. Odds are, you now have many of them. Have they made you happier than you were back then? Probably not.



Pick any item you currently desire. Now imagine yourself as a 95-year-old person about to leave this world. From that perspective, does having that item really matter? Again, probably not.



Enjoy, truly enjoy, what you have. Strive for what you do not have but want. But strive joyfully, knowing that the pleasure is in the doing, not in the getting. If you succeed, wonderful. If you do not, still wonderful.

yeremiah@aol.com
Yeremiah Hardt

Aspects of the Heart

Confidence and Self-Esteem were best friends. They went everywhere together. If Confidence bought a new dress, Self-Esteem bought one just like it. They were very close.



One day a new kid came to their school. His name was Peer Pressure. He had a friend called Hateful Words. They decided to give Confidence a hard time.



They constantly teased her. They forced her to do terrible things. It was so terrible that Confidence lost Self-Esteem. When Self-Esteem wanted to start some classes, Confidence said they wouldn't be any good.



Then one day, Peer Pressure introduced Confidence to Doubt. He wanted to ruin Confidence, but Peer Pressure said he couldn't yet. Self Esteem couldn't understand what was wrong with Confidence. Confidence now hung around with Depression, Low Self-Esteem, and Overeating.



These girls were friends of Peer Pressure. Self-Esteem no longer had any friends. She no longer felt good about herself. She went to see her Imaam. Imaam Good Words told her how to talk to Confidence. He introduced her to his daughter, Encouragement.



Encouragement and Self-Esteem went to find Confidence. Self Esteem hoped she wasn't too late. The girls found Confidence in a stupor. She was no longer a vibrant, happy young girl. There were dark circles under her eyes. She had gained so much weight from eating that she couldn't move.



Encouragement gasped and Self-Esteem cried. She begged Encouragement to do something.



Encouragement began to hug Confidence. She kissed her and loved her. She told her that she was a beautiful young lady who had a lot going for her.



Encouragement held Confidence so tightly that Self-Esteem thought she would smother her. Confidence began to cry. As she cried, she seemed to lose weight. Then a bright light suddenly glowed from Confidence and she began to smile.



Peer Pressure and his friends didn't like what Encouragement was doing and tried to attack her. They hit at her and pulled at her, but they couldn't pull her away from Confidence. Then Confidence began to speak.



"Get away from me, Peer Pressure. Take your friends and go. You no longer have any power over me." Confidence was now a glowing light. She and her friends made sure that Peer Pressure and his gang never bothered anyone in their town again.



***********



If you feel that Encouragement is not your friend, then try to find Encouragement in yourself. Self-Esteem and Confidence will follow.

yeremiah@aol.com
Yeremiah Hardt

Drop a Pebble in the Water

Drop a pebble in the water: just a splash, and it is gone.
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to the sea.
And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.

Drop a pebble in the water: in a minute you forget,
But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet.
And those little waves a-flowing to a great big wave have grown;
You've disturbed a mighty river just by dropping in a stone.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
They keep spreading, spreading, spreading from the center as they go.
And there is no way to stop them, once you've started them to flow.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute you forget;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
And perhaps in some sad heart a mighty wave of tears you've stirred.
And disturbed a life was happy ere you dropped that unkind word.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: just a flash and it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
Bearing hope and joy and comfort on each splashing, dashing wave.
Till you wouldn't believe the volume of the one kind word you gave.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: in a minute you forget;
But there's gladness still a-swelling, and there's joy a-circling yet.
And you've rolled a wave of comfort whose sweet music can be heard
Over miles and miles of water just by dropping one kind word.

James W. Foley