ABCs of Parenting

Ask your child about the school day.


Begin your child's day with a nourishing breakfast.

Congratulate you child for doing well.

Discuss homework with your child.

Encourage your child to read.

Find a quiet place for your child to study.

Give your child responsibility.

Hug your child to build self worth.

Include your child in making simple family decisions.

Join a library with your child.

Keep your child on a schedule that includes exercise and sleep.

Limit TV viewing by selecting programs with your child.

Make the time you spend with your child special.

Notice and discuss changes in your child's behavior.

Offer to help your child organize school papers.

Provide your child with good role models.

Question the activities your child shares with friends.

Respect your child's right to have opinions different from yours.

Share an interest or a hobby with your child.

Take time to listen to your child.

Urge your child to say "NO!" to unwanted touching.

Visit places of interest with your child.

Work with your child to set up rules of behavior.

Xerox and save records or articles that benefit your child.

Yield results by encouraging your child to do better.

Zoom through these ABCs again and again!

‏

yeremiah@aol.com
Yeremiah Hardt

"ABC's Of Friendship"

(A)ccepts you as you are

(B)elieves in "you"

(C)alls you just to ! say "HI"

(D)oesn't give up on you

(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)

(F)orgives your mistakes

(G)ives unconditionally

(H)elps you

(I)nvites you over

(J)ust "be" with you

(K)eeps you close at heart

(L)oves you for who you are

(M)akes a difference in your life

(N)ever Judges

(O)ffers support

(P)icks you up

(Q)uiets your fears

(R)aises your spirits

(S)ays nice things about you

(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it

(U)nderstands you

(V)alues you

(W)alks beside you

(X)-plains things you don't understand

(Y)ells when you won't listen and

(Z)aps you back to reality

yeremiah@aol.com
 Yeremiah Hardt

Color Your Life

 


By Anonymous

Each positive quality within you is like a colour.

Orange represents thoughtfulness & creativity;

Yellow - happiness & clarity;

Pink - love & compassion;

Blue - serenity & reliability;

Red - strength & courage;

Green - healing & prosperity;

White - truth and purity.

By emerging more & more positive qualities in your lives, you light up your life, & radiate that colour for others to enjoy. Your inner potential offers you an unlimited colour palette. Discover your own spectrum of colours.

yeremiah@aol.com
Yeremiah Hardt

EIGHT CLUES TO HAPPINESS

By- KHUSHWANT SINGH

Having lived a reasonably contented life, I was musing over what a person should strive for to achieve happiness. I drew up a list of a few essentials which I put forward for the readers' appraisal.
1. First and foremost is GOOD HEALTH. If you do not enjoy good health you can never be happy. Any ailment, however trivial, will deduct from your happiness.

2. Second, A HEALTHY BANK BALANCE. It need not run into crores but should be enough to provide for creature comforts and something to spare for recreation, like eating out, going to the pictures, travelling or going on holidays on the hills or by the sea. Shortage of money can be only demoralizing. Living on credit or borrowing is demeaning and lowers one in one's own eyes.
3. Third, A HOME OF YOUR OWN. Rented premises can never give you the snug feeling of a nest which is yours for keeps that a home provides: if it has a garden space, all the better. Plant your own trees and flowers, see them grow and blossom, cultivate a sense of kinship with them.
4. Fourth, AN UNDERSTANDING COMPANION, be it your spouse or a friend. If there are too many misunderstandings, they will rob you of your peace of mind. It is better to be divorced than to bicker all the time.
5. Fifth, LACK OF ENVY towards those who have done better than you in life; risen higher, made more money, or earned more fame. Envy can be very corroding; avoid comparing yourself with others.
6. Sixth, DO NOT ALLOW OTHER PEOPLE to descend on you for gup-shup. By the time you get rid of them, you will feel exhausted and poisoned by their gossip-mongering.
7. Seventh, CULTIVATE SOME HOBBIES which can bring you a sense of fulfilment, such as gardening, reading, writing, painting, playing or listening to music. Going to clubs or parties to get free drinks or to meet celebrities is criminal waste of time.

8. Eighth, every morning and evening, devote 15 minutes to INTROSPECTION. In the morning, 10 minutes should be spent on stilling the mind and then five in listing things you have to do that day. In the evening, five minutes to still the mind again, and ten to go over what you had undertaken to do.

RICHNESS is not Earning More, Spending More Or Saving More, but ...

"RICHNESS IS WHEN YOU NEED NO MORE"
yeremiah@aol.com
Yeremiah Hardt

Lead Yourself Before You Lead Others

By Dave Osh

Do you remember the years after graduation? We were learning new skills, accumulating knowledge, becoming an expert in our field and earning higher salaries as we scaled the corporate ladder.

Our career soared until it stalled. Why?

Careers can ride on professional knowledge just for a certain distance. Sooner or later, gracefully or brutally, rapidly or slowly, we will discover that leadership is more about who we are than what we do.

Goethe wrote "before you can do something you must be something". We cannot be the inspirational leaders we hope to be if we feel miserable and depressed. We cannot inspire people to excel if we are unmotivated. We cannot lead teams to victory if we do not feel victorious.

There is an old story that brings home this point: A father was relaxing on a couch after a long day at the office reading a newspaper. His son playing around him disturbed his peaceful moments of the day. The father, fed up, ripped out a picture of the globe that was in the paper and tore it into as many tiny pieces as he could. 'Son, can you try to put this globe together?' asked the dad, hoping this would keep the little boy busy long enough to finish reading the paper. He was stunned when his son returned after a few minutes with the globe perfectly reassembled. 'How did you it son?' asked the astonished father. The kid smiled and replied 'Daddy, on the other side of the globe there was a picture of a person. Once I got the person together, the world was okay'.

Success begins within. It all starts by getting ourselves together. Once we do, our own world will be okay. We see the world not as it is, but as we are. By improving, refining and defining who we are, we see the world from more enlightened perspectives.

Leadership of others begins with our internal leadership. If we want to continue to grow we have to continue developing ourselves toward what we want to be as human beings. Self-awareness provides us the tools to achieve our goals in our working place, family, community and relationship.

We need to stop running if not completely clear on the ultimate destination. We may run the wrong way. Taking time for reflection and introspection allows us to analyze what to do and how to make continual improvements.

My personal growth starts with reading uplifting books for at least thirty minutes a day. Knowledge provides a great path to self awareness. You are probably thinking 'how can I find additional 30 minutes every day to read? Reading comes in many shapes and styles. Reading is a metaphor of gaining new knowledge continuously. Whether you read a book, listen to MP3 audio book, attend a seminar or read an ebook on your tablet, mobile or computer, you enrich your mind.

Every problem you want to solve, the solution lies within you. New knowledge will help you identify and act on it. Every mistake in life has already been made by somebody who wrote about it. If we want to be better communicators, superior parents, lovers and friends, reading and knowledge can guide us.

If you do not work from home, you probably have on average at least 30 minutes commuting to your workplace. Make it into your mobile university. Convert your toilet into a library. It just means making the commitment.

The type of person we will become in 5 years from now depends on the knowledge that we gain and the decisions we make because of this knowledge. Would you appreciate spending a few hours with Barack Obama or Bill Clinton? Do you want Dale Carnegie or Napoleon Hill to be your personal coach? Would you mind to be mentored by Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Theresa? Or maybe learn creative thinking from Thomas Edison, Ben Franklin and Alexander Graham Bell? It's all in books.

Leaders commit to a lifelong learning. Learning no longer ends when we finish our last exam. It must continue as long as we live. Before we lead others we should lead ourselves. Self-awareness, reflection and introspection are proven ways to know ourselves and, hence, become role models to the people around us whether they are our colleagues, friends, spouses and children.

They expect us to be at our best.

About the Author:

Dave Osh is a forward thinking leader who has steered his way to the corporate pinnacle. His Thought Leadership blog is a wealth of stories, ideas, experiences, values, traits and skills which every manager who seeks a breakthrough towards international enterprise leadership needs.

yeremiah@aol.com Yeremiah Hardt

Tippy Toe Friendships

Good Friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you always know they are there! However, ‘good’ is a term often used too loosely in regards to friends. It’s been said that friends met in a bar disappear like streaking comets never to be encountered again. In all aspects of life, that is much the same. Move miles away to another location, and ‘time’ will extinguish most flames of ‘friendships’ into an invisible reality and a foggy memory occasionally remembered by the heart.
Friendships are like the ‘tango dance’ - it takes two fully committed to make it work! Friendships are like ‘gardens’, they take care and consistency as well as a deep compassion to weather the rains and the seasons of change. That change should at least include at least a ‘little conversation’ from time to time when possible. Always friendships need the openness on both parts to give ‘homage’ to the precious moments of mutual experiences.
Everyone has a self responsibility to cultivate an openness and compassion of the mind and heart, especially for friends. All strangers are potential friends and all friends were once strangers. It’s always loving to oneself and others who have touched the heart, past and present, to keep open the doors of communication. Most do not, and only because they have not taken the time to love themselves enough to love others.
Current friendships, and seemingly friendships that have drifted away, grow best with all doors open to communication with no fears of having to ‘tippy toe’ on egg shells to maintain the ‘relationship’ on going. I’ve found that all but a rare person puts walls up, or locks doors to either giving energy, or improving the depth of a friendship. The very best friend you will ever have is locked behind that door, and in you. Why create a ‘suicide of friendship within yourself’? Is it ‘you’ who limits friendships? Never be the last one to ‘not connect’ - that closes doors to the sensitive. Give love, and receive love - no ‘tippy toe’ stuff, and unlock the floodgates to real communication!

yeremiah@aol.com
Yeremiah Hardt

Is There Hope for the Separated?

Reality Check


You dreamed of a marriage where each made the other supremely happy. Now one of you has walked out. Separation is not the time to capitulate. In a very real sense, separation calls for intensive care, much like that given to one in grave physical danger. The condition of your marriage is 'critical'. Things can go either way at any moment. What happens will be determined by what you and your spouse say and do in the next few weeks and months.
Marital separation sometimes brings a temporary sense of 'peace'. One husband said, "This is the first week of peace I've had for years." Of course he felt peace; he had left the battlefield. However, retreat is not the road to victory. You must come from that retreat with a renewed determination to defeat the enemy of your marriage. Your dream can live again. But not without work ... work that will demand listening, understanding, discipline and change.
New Day, New Choices

I do not wish to minimize the hurt, pain, frustration, anger, resentment, loneliness, and disappointment you may feel. Nor do I take lightly your past efforts at marital adjustment. But this is a new day and calls for new choices.
When marriages fall apart, where do we go for help? The Christian turns to God because we know that He cares. The Bible is God's clearest voice for guidance. And the Bible calls us to repentance and reconciliation. Notice I said repentance. There can be no reconciliation without repentance. In marriage, this calls for mutual repentance, for almost always the failure has involved both parties.
If you are separated, use this time to examine the biblical principles for building a marriage. Discover where you went wrong and how to correct it. Deal with your own failures and ask God to help you do something positive today. I wrote Hope for the Separated to help you do this.
Hope and Help

Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. I know that you cannot make your spouse reconcile. But you can reach out for help. Call a pastor, a counselor, a friend; read a book.
Separation does not equal divorce, and is not necessarily the end. It may be the beginning of rediscovering the dream you shared when you were first married. Discover your options and don't forget that God is the God of miracles. There is hope for the separated.
Share your questions, thoughts, insights, or comments:

Join the conversation on Facebook at www.facebook.com/5lovelanguages.
Adapted from Hope for the Separated by Gary Chapman.

Find out more at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/.
Saturday, June 26: "Dear Gary"

Building Relationships Radio
Whether it's a question about marriage, singleness, parenting, or dating, listeners have come to trust the answers given by Dr. Gary Chapman. On the next Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, you'll hear more questions for the author of the NY Times bestseller, The 5 Love Languages™. See if you agree with Gary's advice to callers this week, and learn how you can better speak love into the lives of those around you.
Featured resource for this program:

The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.
Tune in to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, the weekly radio broadcast brought to you by Moody Radio and Moody Publishers. Listen live online Saturday mornings at 10 a.m. CST at moodyradio.org,check your local radio station, or download free podcasts and get more information




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Yeremiah Hardt

Meaning of F.R.I.E.N.D. S.H.I.P

· "F" is for Fun......... ...That friends share when they are together.
· "R" is for Reliability. ...A true friend is someone that you can always rely on.
· "I" is for Interest.... ...Someone like Mukesh who is genuinely interested in you, your fears, joys, and life.
· "E" is for Energy...... ...They pick you up when you are down, and give you the energy to go on and believe in yourself.
· "N" is for Nothing..... ...Nothing is ever too much, no matter what time it is, night or day.
· "D" is for Distance.... ...Although the miles may separate you, a true friend like Mukesh is never far away.
· "S" is for Secrets..... ...Your feelings and personal/private thoughts that you can only share with a friend like Mukesh.
· "H" is for Happiness... ...The way I feel when we are together.
· "I" is for Inseparable. ...Through good times and bad, tears and laughter. A friend like Mukesh will always be there for you jst frnds like u ..
· "P" is for Perfect..... ...The friendship that you and Mukesh share. You make normal days into special days. Turn my tears of sorrow into tears of laughter. My world is a brighter place due to the friendship and love that we share.



yeremiah@aol.com
 Yeremiah Hardt

Brilliantly Beautiful

We are all beautiful. We are all alive and brilliantly beautiful. We also have to respect all life or it will vanish. Through respecting life, we will encourage it through all the magnificent intentions we perform and wonder it encourages a great life. Life could always improve.

There is no hurry to improve life. Life is a living breathing process which is of great value, the circumstances do not matter. The point of view has no value, except to you, unless you make it have value.

yeremiah@aol.com
 Yeremiah Hardt

Why Friends exist

Having friends makes you feel good. They may make you feel uniquely enthused, always. Friends help us through all of life's difficulties. Such ease comes to you with the more friends you have as well as the more fun you will have in this great existence, in which we call existence within reality.

The greater the variety of friends you have the more uniquely your life is. Friends add a variety of aspects to your life. The more you have the fuller your life is and the greater amount of ideas you could incur.

These ideas reciprocate many times over. They lead you to whole new plethora’s of ideas, which have the ability to even surprise you.

 Yeremiah Hardt
yeremiah@aol.com

The Qualities of a good friend

Sometimes we think we will be fine by ourselves because a dream is a wish that we make all alone. It is easy to feel like we do not need help from nobody but it is harder to walk on our own. Soon we change inside and also outside when we realize that the world come to life and everything’s bright from beginning to end when we have a friend by our sides. That helps us to find the beauty we are when we open our heart and believe in the gift of a friend. But how do we want our friends to be and what are the qualities we expect from a good friend.

There are many qualities we would love to see from a good friend. In my opinion, we can group all these qualities in three different categories. First, a good friend is honest and humble. It is the first things I look at in a friendship. It is the foundation, the base of all friendship or any kind of relation in this world. When we are humble and honest with our friends, there is a connection between us. And we will never get in trouble about how to trust each others. I always try to be honest as much as I can with my friends, but when I do not feel their honesty or their trust in return, I immediately know that we are not good for each others. And that create a small distance between us. Our conversations become a bit about general things and we finish by just saying “hello” to each others. So for me, it is important to be honest and humble in a friendship.

The second quality of a good friend is to help us to fix our mistakes. A good friend helps us to improve and save us from doing the same mistakes over and over. He is not there to judge or criticize us because we had a bad behavior about something or we reacted very badly in a situation. As Madonna said: “Nobody is perfect” so he or she is there to support us by giving us advices. When our hope crashes down shattering to the ground and we feel alone, he might be there to give us hands and give us energy and strength we need. When we do not know which way to go and there are no signals to lead us home, he might be able to tell us that we are not alone and take us to the right way.

The last quality I always expect from a friend is his presence and his time for me. A good friend might be there physically, mentally and emotionally (sometimes financially but that is not very important) for me in bad and good moment. A famous French expression say: “We know who our friends is when we are enduring a bad moment”. And that is true because some “friends” try to be our best friend just when we have money, we can take them to dinner, travel or party and buy their drink. A good friend is not like that. He is someone who is present in our life and knows when we are lost and we are scared, someone who knows there are through the highs and the lows and despite that he can stand up for us and get our back. A good friend is that person we can count on, someone who cares for us. For instance, a good friend assists us when we lost a parent, we lost our job or we are in the emergency room. That is what we can call a good friend.

In conclusion, it is hard to believe in friend nowadays, but when we look around us, we can still find some humble persons who have good qualities and share our life with. When someone cares, try to be present in your life and also is honest with us, do not screw it up but return that favor. We may have a lot of friends, but not all of them are good friends.

yeremiah@aol.com
Yeremiah Hardt

Slow Down and Enjoy Relationships

From going fast in cars
I’ve piled it up high
From saying hello to friends with a quick goodbye
Kathryn Williams,

Flicker Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Corey Allan of Simple Marriage.
The world is seemingly moving at a faster pace. Everywhere you turn, the pace is quick. Deadlines are moved up, workload is increased, kid’s schedules are packed, to-do lists are long, housework never ends – it’s chaos. At least it feels this whews the world really sped up? Are there more things happening today than 50 years ago? No, and no.Some things around us may involve more pressure and feel like it’s moving faster, but many times it only feels this way. Thanks to the Internet and cable we hear about everything that happens, immediately.

Our interconnected through technology has helped create the illusion of a faster paced world. It’s also created the illusion of less loneliness and isolation – but there’s nothing that can replace real life connections with other people. Physical contact and interaction is vital.

This loss of contact and the perceived pace of the world produces a feeling of chronic anxiousness and a decrease in the ability to find pleasure in some of the simple things, when was the last time you stopped and took in the smell of fresh baked bread? Or colored with crayons? Or walked barefoot in the grass? Or took a few minutes to just breathe?No where is the impact of our pace felt more than in marriage and family. It’s extremely difficult to move hurriedly through your day and then slow down enough to enjoy your family or your spouse in the evenings of the reasons marriage and family relationships go through sour patches is the squeezing they get from our schedules, disconnection, and pace.

It’s easy to get caught up in other things and have the immediate outweigh the important reverse this, here’s a few ideas to try:Start small.

No change in life is easy or comfortable. Working to let go of the pace around you and creating your own speed takes time and should be attempted in small, incremental steps. Begin by giving yourself permission to slow down. This may seem like a no brainer, but many people believe they don’t have permission to slow down. You do. Whenever life seems to move too fast, take a deep breathe. Three to five slow, deep breaths will slow everything down.

Leave the office. And I mean leave the office. Shut off all projects, messages, emails, phone calls and conversations and leave the office at the end of the day. Most everything can wait until the next day, so leave it alone until then. As an added help, create a routine to help you disengage from the office on the way home. Walk down the stairs slowly rather than taking the elevator. Drive down tree lined streets rather than the interstate. Walk or bike home from work if possible. Listen to good music while on the train or bus.

Stop by the gym for a workout. No matter which way you transition from work to home, make it intentional. Breathe. Relax. Breathe. Let work go. Then walk through the door to your home and enjoy time with those you love. Turn off all electronic gadgets.

This one is simple. Turn off the phone. The Internet. The television. Spend time talking, playing games, take a walk outside. The point is, unplug and connect with other humans. Be 100% present. This is tough at times. But it also is a source of increased tension in life. When I’m with my kids and have other things on my mind, my kids become a pest and source of frustration – at least that’s the way it plays out. When I’ve got work on my mind, my son’s request to play cars is an annoyance rather than an invitation into the world of imaginative
play with my child. Whatever you are doing, focus on being 100% present. Multitasking is impossible anyway. Focus on doing one thing at a time and being

100% present while doing it.

Take a Walk Make it a priority to walk with your spouse and your kids each day. There’s tremendous benefit to being out in nature, even if it’s nature in the city. Want a sure-fire way to improve your marriage? Walk and talk with your spouse at least 30 minutes a day. Eat outside.

There’s something great about being in nature. There’s something even greater about sharing a meal with others outside. Head to the park for a picnic, eat on the patio at home or restaurants.

Prepare for your day.

Spend a moment at the end of your day preparing for the next day. Pick out clothes, make lunches, talk with your spouse. Then in the morning, before you jump into your day, take some time a simply sit quietly. Enjoy a cup of tea or coffee. Breathe slowly, meditate, pray. What a great way to start each day.

yeremiah@aol.com
Yeremiah Hardt

A Smile

A Smile Costs Nothing,


But Gives Much-

It Takes But A Moment,

But The Memory

Of It Usually Lasts Forever.

None Are So Rich That Can Get Along Without

It-And None Are So Poor

But That Can Be Made Rich By It.

It Enriches Those Who Receive,

Without Making Poor Those Who Give-

It Creates Sunshine In The Home,

Fosters Good Will In Business,

And Is The Best Antidote For Trouble-

And Yet It Cannot Be Begged, Borrowed,

Or Stolen, For It Is Of No Value

Unless It Is Given Away.

Some People Are Too Busy

To Give You A Smile-

Give Them One Of Yours-

For The Good Lord Knows That No One Needs A Smile So Badly

As He Or She Who Has

No More Smiles Left To Give.
 
yeremiah@aol.com
Yeremiah Hardt

How to Express Yourself to Others - By Greg S. Baker

One of the hardest things to do when you're communicating with someone is expressing yourself. How many times have you said something that just didn't come out the way you wanted it to? How many times have we said something that we really didn't mean, but we were too frustrated to stop it from being said?

What's more, some people have a fear of expressing themselves at all. They're afraid to say something that might cost them a friendship. Or they bottle everything up tight and seize up at the mere thought of sharing their true emotions.

This can be a constant struggle for people. However, it is something that can be conquered. If you are struggling to express yourself to others, or you know of someone who struggles, then read on. This article will show you what you can do to open up with others.

THE IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNICATION

Every being on the planet communicates in some fashion. And the more complex the form of communication is, you will find more complex relationships as well.

Human speech is the most complicated form of communication in the world. We have so many ways to express ideas, feelings, dreams, suggestions, thoughts, intents, love, rage, desire, and so forth.

Words have meaning to us. Subtle differences in each word will convey a slightly different idea. Huge and gigantic have subtle differences. We think of gigantic as bigger than huge. Thus, the words you use in your relationships are of powerful importance. The person who said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," never had a complex and in-depth relationship. Words can hurt.

Words have the power to give life and death...especially in relationships.

So it is important that you learn to express yourself. You must learn to convey your thoughts, ideas, dreams, ambitions, hopes and emotions to those that you share a relationship with. Your inability to do so, will damage your relationships.

DANGERS OF NOT BEING ABLE TO EXPRESS YOURSELF
1. If you have a fear of people, people will avoid you. It's a vicious cycle. You avoid people because you fear that they will hurt you. People see your aloofness, and either think the worst (that you're stuck up), or grant your desire and leave you alone. Then you wonder why it is that no one likes you.

2. When you can't open up to people, people will feel that you are unapproachable. You'll have a hard time getting close to people when you bottle everything up inside. Your relationships will all be shallow.

3. Your inability to express yourself will haunt you in times of trouble. You'll need help, you'll want help, but you won't seek it. You'll hide. So, no one helps you. Then you grow resentful and angry.

4. Another danger is that of isolation. You build walls around your emotions and people instinctively leave you alone. That might be what you wanted at first, but your life will be barren, and empty. Life is relationships. The stronger your relationships the more joy you'll have in life. No matter if it is with your mate, God, children, neighbors, co-workers, friends, relatives, or even yourself, you must learn to express yourself.

TIPS ON EXPRESSING YOURSELF

Do A Lot Of Reading

Reading will help you learn how other people express themselves. Pay attention to word usage, diction, flow, voice and tone. These will give you ideas on expressing yourself.

Look up words that you've never seen before. Use them. They'll provide you with many and myriad ways of expressing your emotions. Often, I've found that a single word does better expressing what I feel than an entire paragraph of sentences. Learning new words will help you express yourself better and reading will help you to learn different ways to do so.

A wise man once said, not every reader is a leader, but every leader is a reader.

Do Some Writing On Your Own

Do a variety of writing. Start a novel. Write letters. Keep a journal or diary. Often, you'll find that writing helps you to think your thoughts through. In the heat of an argument, you'll often say what you don't mean in a tone that creates more resentment. Writing will help you organize your thoughts. It'll give you focus and direction.

Don't Fear People's Judgment

Social anxiety is not a disease. You can't catch it from someone who has it. It is a spiritual state of mind that is the direct result of fear. There is really only one type of fear and that is the fear of the unknown. Don't fear what other people think about you. Honestly, your imagination will create far worse scenarios than what most people will ever think.

To overcome your fear, try asking for their help. Try this, "I'm having a hard time expressing myself, and I thought maybe you could help me." Saying that will invoke an instinctual need that most everyone has-the desire to help and feel needed. Hardly anyone will be critical of you when you've asked for their help.

It also sets the stage to retract what you may say when you say it wrong. Since you've already warned them that you are struggling with expressing yourself, when you actually struggle with it, they'll just shrug it off. It's a great tool to overcoming your fear of other people's judgment.

When You're Upset, Write A Letter

If you're furious at someone, then go ahead and write them a nasty letter. Just don't give it to them. Sleep on it. The next morning, go back over the letter. You'll find that your attitudes and perspective have shifted. I seriously doubt you'll send the letter under those conditions.

But more than that, sending someone a letter that is well thought out is a great idea when you're trying to express yourself. Look, letters can't be argued with, they can't be interrupted, and you can't derail the train of thought. In fact, even if the letter is negative, most people will read it all the way through.

Sometimes a well worded letter will allow you to convey your feelings where a conversation would not.

Be Mature When You Express Yourself

I don't take people seriously when they rant, rave, swear, cuss, insult, deride, mock, or get stubborn. These are immature attitudes that prevent and hinder the expression process.

Here is a rule of thumb. If they are willing to talk about others behind their back, they will do it to you too. Let's stay away from the unproductive gossip, the insults, the profanity, and the finger pointing. These accomplish nothing. Think about it, when is the last time you actually made a situation better by swearing at someone? Maturity in conversation is thoughtfulness, consideration, and the willingness to listen. Show respect to others and they will respect you.

Ask Questions

You'll be amazed at how easy it is to express yourself in the form of a question.

But the short of it is this, questions allow you to interact with others. They involve you in their thoughts, feelings, worries, and cares. This provides an opportunity to express yourself better to them. Expression is best done when there is good interaction. Thoughtful questions provide this platform.

Remember, people communicate all the time, but either it is misunderstood or it is not listened to. These techniques and methods will help assist in the struggles that you have in communicating.

yeremiah@aol.com

Yeremiah Hardt

Seeking Happiness

By Dr. Srikumar Rao


We seek it here, we seek it there. We seek happiness everywhere.



Yet it eludes us. All of our activities -- our pursuit of fame and fortune, our quest for meaningful relationships, and our drive to build or change things -- are directed searches for this ephemeral state. We get there, but we can never heave a lasting sigh of relief because the feeling is gone almost immediately.



Can happiness be a permanent member of our household rather than an occasional and erratic visitor?



Think on this parable from psychotherapist and Jesuit priest Anthony de Mello:



"A group of tourists sits in a bus that is passing through gorgeously beautiful country; lakes and mountains and green fields and rivers. But the shades of the bus are pulled down. They do not have the slightest idea of what lies beyond the windows of the bus. And all the time of their journey is spent in squabbling over who will have the seat of honor in the bus, who will be applauded, who will be well considered. And so they remain till the journey's end."



Too many of us are like those tourists, engaged in petty power struggles while the true beauty of life lies all round us, unobserved and unappreciated.



I see this all the time in the seminars I conduct. I have the participants call out things that would make them happy, and I write them on a flip chart. The list grows to 50 or 100 items in minutes.



Wealth is a common desire. Not run-of-the-mill, garden-variety wealth but a fabulous fortune. A trophy spouse is also popular, though people rarely label it as such. Instead the ideal spouse is described as extraordinarily good-looking and, as a self-justifying afterthought, intelligent to boot.



Lots of other items come up, too, including travel, good health, great sex, friends, loving relatives, and interesting work.



The truth is, none of those things is necessary for happiness. None of them.



This is an extremely important point. Because all of those things are dependent on outside circumstances that will never be in your control. And doesn't that make the quest for them an extremely frail reed to lean on?



Don't confuse true happiness and soul-satisfying joy with the temporary satisfaction you get when you gratify your ego. Your happiness is not dependent on your wealth, your intelligence, or your abilities. Your happiness is not even contingent on your continued good health or having loving friends, relatives, or significant others.



In fact, happiness is already a part of your nature. There is nothing you have to get in order to be happy. All you have to do is allow your inner happiness to surface.



When I get to this point in my seminars, I generally have a revolution on my hands. How can people be happy if they live in extreme poverty? Or if they are afflicted with a painful disease? Or if they have no friends or loved ones? Or if they're in any other hypothetical situation along those lines?



Yet the statement holds. There is nothing you have to get in order to be happy.



One question remains. If happiness is our nature, why do we not experience it more often? Why are our lives filled with angst and sorrow?



The answer is simple: We have constructed mental models for ourselves in which happiness comes as a result of getting something -- money, power, fame, etc. In the reality that we have created and that we live in, our achievements define us. We are "better" if we are "successful."



The media reinforces those beliefs, subtly painting pictures of what successful and happy people have and look like. Your parents reinforced them too, imprinting on your mind that what they found valuable was what you should value. In all probability, they got their beliefs from their parents and accepted them without question. Your friends, relatives, teachers, classmates, and coaches all played a role. So did the movies and TV programs you watched, the books and magazines you read, the music you listened to, and what you observed in the world around you.



They all contributed to your mental model. And they succeeded because you did not question the beliefs and values they presented to you. But now, in your quest for happiness and freedom, you must question them.



When you want something -- and you get it -- there is a brief moment when you are content, when you are not your habitual wanting self. And in that moment, you experience the happiness that is always a part of you. You are content. And full. But the very next moment, some other desire raises its ugly head and you are off on another fruitless quest for happiness. It is a never-ending cycle.



The problem is that you do not realize why you experience that moment of happiness. You do not recognize that it is because, at that moment, you are free from want. The happiness springs from an acceptance of the Universe as it is. It is your innate nature bubbling forth in the absence of the bonds you put on it with your incessant demands.



Instead, you attribute the happiness you briefly felt to the acquisition of whatever it was that you got. And so you try to get the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing.



If you go barreling through life, desperately doing things to make yourself "happy," happiness will elude you. It is like a puppy that runs away when you try to entice it to come to you. But as soon as you ignore it and start reading your newspaper, you feel its cold nose in your hand.



It really does work that way. You are bound by the things you own as long as you need them emotionally. The moment you sever this psychological link, you will experience freedom, a marvelous sense of liberation that cannot be described.



Think back to your life 10 years ago. You had a list of wants at that time, things you thought would bring you lasting happiness. Odds are, you now have many of them. Have they made you happier than you were back then? Probably not.



Pick any item you currently desire. Now imagine yourself as a 95-year-old person about to leave this world. From that perspective, does having that item really matter? Again, probably not.



Enjoy, truly enjoy, what you have. Strive for what you do not have but want. But strive joyfully, knowing that the pleasure is in the doing, not in the getting. If you succeed, wonderful. If you do not, still wonderful.

yeremiah@aol.com
Yeremiah Hardt

Aspects of the Heart

Confidence and Self-Esteem were best friends. They went everywhere together. If Confidence bought a new dress, Self-Esteem bought one just like it. They were very close.



One day a new kid came to their school. His name was Peer Pressure. He had a friend called Hateful Words. They decided to give Confidence a hard time.



They constantly teased her. They forced her to do terrible things. It was so terrible that Confidence lost Self-Esteem. When Self-Esteem wanted to start some classes, Confidence said they wouldn't be any good.



Then one day, Peer Pressure introduced Confidence to Doubt. He wanted to ruin Confidence, but Peer Pressure said he couldn't yet. Self Esteem couldn't understand what was wrong with Confidence. Confidence now hung around with Depression, Low Self-Esteem, and Overeating.



These girls were friends of Peer Pressure. Self-Esteem no longer had any friends. She no longer felt good about herself. She went to see her Imaam. Imaam Good Words told her how to talk to Confidence. He introduced her to his daughter, Encouragement.



Encouragement and Self-Esteem went to find Confidence. Self Esteem hoped she wasn't too late. The girls found Confidence in a stupor. She was no longer a vibrant, happy young girl. There were dark circles under her eyes. She had gained so much weight from eating that she couldn't move.



Encouragement gasped and Self-Esteem cried. She begged Encouragement to do something.



Encouragement began to hug Confidence. She kissed her and loved her. She told her that she was a beautiful young lady who had a lot going for her.



Encouragement held Confidence so tightly that Self-Esteem thought she would smother her. Confidence began to cry. As she cried, she seemed to lose weight. Then a bright light suddenly glowed from Confidence and she began to smile.



Peer Pressure and his friends didn't like what Encouragement was doing and tried to attack her. They hit at her and pulled at her, but they couldn't pull her away from Confidence. Then Confidence began to speak.



"Get away from me, Peer Pressure. Take your friends and go. You no longer have any power over me." Confidence was now a glowing light. She and her friends made sure that Peer Pressure and his gang never bothered anyone in their town again.



***********



If you feel that Encouragement is not your friend, then try to find Encouragement in yourself. Self-Esteem and Confidence will follow.

yeremiah@aol.com
Yeremiah Hardt

Drop a Pebble in the Water

Drop a pebble in the water: just a splash, and it is gone.
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to the sea.
And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.

Drop a pebble in the water: in a minute you forget,
But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet.
And those little waves a-flowing to a great big wave have grown;
You've disturbed a mighty river just by dropping in a stone.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
They keep spreading, spreading, spreading from the center as they go.
And there is no way to stop them, once you've started them to flow.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute you forget;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
And perhaps in some sad heart a mighty wave of tears you've stirred.
And disturbed a life was happy ere you dropped that unkind word.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: just a flash and it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
Bearing hope and joy and comfort on each splashing, dashing wave.
Till you wouldn't believe the volume of the one kind word you gave.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: in a minute you forget;
But there's gladness still a-swelling, and there's joy a-circling yet.
And you've rolled a wave of comfort whose sweet music can be heard
Over miles and miles of water just by dropping one kind word.

James W. Foley